ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
