You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
