Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
bring money and cleavage
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
