The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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