i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
