Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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