I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We left the knife in your bed.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
