using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
