so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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