dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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