fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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