My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
