last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
