So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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