She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
