i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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