Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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