My room smells like vodka and shame
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
