I love black thongs
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
