I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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