If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
