it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
