covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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