Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We got so high we made milksteak
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
