see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
