there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
