angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
