he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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