My room smells like vodka and shame
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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