Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i now understand why vodka
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
