Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
