hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
