with your own penis?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
