Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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