i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
