I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
ok first of all what the fuck
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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