You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
