its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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