Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
