he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
