can u get pink eye on your cock?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
