Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
