Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
