I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Drunk is not a location!
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