i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
