What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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