As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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