That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
