we're blogging at a bar
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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