i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
