Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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